Introducing our brand new Saber-Tooth Tonic– lovingly brewed and distilled by Prometheus Inc. for our favorite customers, that means you! If you have an ailment, we can fix it. How did we stumble upon such a remarkable panacea? Let us tell you, it was no small feat! Our very own gentleman benefactor, Sir Reginald A. Reginald, was for two years, in search of a cure for the mysterious ailment that had suddenly and tragically overcome his lovely wife. All of the physicians claimed there was no cure, and that Mrs. Reginald would surely waste away and die. Determined to find a remedy, our brave Sir Reginald set out on an expedition into the Great East Sea and discovered there a small and miraculous island inhabited by all manners of species of flora and fauna previously thought to be extinct, most notably the great Saber-toothed cat. Sir Reginald brought back numerous samples, all of which we tested tirelessly for curative properties. To our great delight and surprise it was the fangs of the great and noble saber-toothed cats that held the antidote Mrs. Reginald so desperately needed, and just in time too! Now we here at Prometheus Inc. work hard to bring this miraculous tonic to you. Handcrafted from the fangs of the Saber-toothed cats, no other substitute will do! It tastes great, you will feel great! What is there to lose?
Take a bite out of what ails you!