Readable excerpts from never before seen newspaper found in gutter.
The Sinister Times
A Newspaper for villains, crooks and not-very-good-guys.
– Experienced super villain seeks competent underlings. Excellent benefits, NO life insurance.
– Seeking home for loveable multi-headed dog. Like feeding and walking one dog but joy of owning three. No cats. Loves kids and subway tunnels.
– Announcing estate sale. Main items include lasers, high-grade plutonium and pool of genetically engineered piranha. Everything must go.
Grand re-opening of Sweeney’s Barber and Spa. Specializes in curly moustaches and excellent eye brows. Send your enemies! Have them ask for our ‘Special Cut.’
I know it is our life’s work to be super villains etcetc, but isn’t okay if sometimes we take a vacation or say, for example, don’t start up that brand new killer robot? – A.C.
Dearest Captain Awesome.
We know it is you writing these letters. Signing your initials backwards fools no one. We would ask you to stop but we frankly find them too damn amusing. Our new killbot just got in and we look forward to testing it out.
I really like this guy I have been seeing but it is like we are just not on the same wavelength. All I want is a little attention, like a nice night out, dinner, maybe a nice romantic fire, doesn’t have to be big, just some small orphanage or something, But all he wants to do is stay home and polish his ‘death ray.’ What do I do?
– Lonely in Luisenville
Dear Lonely in Luisenville,
Communication is vital in any relationship, have you tried telling him you feel the spark has gone out of your romance? If that doesn’t work I highly recommend abrasive acids, or bees.
Introducing the all new GoodGuys Bee Gone!
A spring loaded trap that is guaranteed to sting the opposition. It will bee the solution to all your secret lair defense problems.