The Sinister Times

Readable excerpts from never before seen newspaper found in gutter.

The Sinister Times

A Newspaper for villains, crooks and not-very-good-guys.


The Bwahahant-ads

– Experienced super villain seeks competent underlings. Excellent benefits, NO life insurance.

– Seeking home for loveable multi-headed dog.  Like feeding and walking one dog but joy of owning three. No cats. Loves kids and subway tunnels.

– Announcing estate sale. Main items include lasers, high-grade plutonium and pool of genetically engineered piranha. Everything must go.


Grand re-opening of Sweeney’s Barber and Spa.  Specializes in curly moustaches and excellent eye brows. Send your enemies! Have them ask for our ‘Special Cut.’


       Ask Shredder

Dear Shredder,

I know it is our life’s work to be super villains etcetc,  but isn’t okay if sometimes we take a vacation or say, for example, don’t start up that brand new killer robot?                – A.C.

Dearest Captain Awesome.

We know it is you writing these letters. Signing your initials backwards fools no one.  We would ask you to stop but we frankly find them too damn amusing. Our new killbot just got in and we look forward to testing it out.


Dear Shredder,

I really like this guy I have been seeing but it is like we are just not on the same wavelength.  All I want is a little attention, like a nice night out, dinner, maybe a nice romantic fire, doesn’t have to be big, just some small orphanage or something, But all he wants to do is stay home and polish his ‘death ray.’ What do I do?

– Lonely in Luisenville

Dear Lonely in Luisenville,

Communication is vital in any relationship, have you tried telling him you feel the spark has gone out of your romance?  If that doesn’t work I highly recommend abrasive acids, or bees.



Introducing the all new GoodGuys Bee Gone!

A spring loaded trap that is guaranteed to sting the opposition. It will bee the solution to all your secret lair defense problems.

Saber-Tooth Tonic, by Prometheus Inc.

Introducing our brand new Saber-Tooth Tonic– lovingly brewed and distilled by Prometheus Inc. for our favorite customers, that means you! If you have an ailment, we can fix it. How did we stumble upon such a remarkable panacea? Let us tell you, it was no small feat! Our very own gentleman benefactor, Sir Reginald A. Reginald, was for two years, in search of a cure for the mysterious ailment that had suddenly and tragically overcome his lovely wife. All of the physicians claimed there was no cure, and that Mrs. Reginald would surely waste away and die. Determined to find a remedy, our brave Sir Reginald set out on an expedition into the Great East Sea and discovered there a small and miraculous island inhabited by all manners of species of flora and fauna previously thought to be extinct, most notably the great Saber-toothed cat. Sir Reginald brought back numerous samples, all of which we tested tirelessly for curative properties. To our great delight and surprise it was the fangs of the great and noble saber-toothed cats that held the antidote Mrs. Reginald so desperately needed, and just in time too! Now we here at Prometheus Inc. work hard to bring this miraculous tonic to you. Handcrafted from the fangs of the Saber-toothed cats, no other substitute will do! It tastes great, you will feel great! What is there to lose?

Saber-Tooth Tonic

Take a bite out of what ails you!